Femdom ceremony and sexual arousal

At the suggestion of a reader (Mistress Sweet_and_Sour) who happens to be a woman practicing and enjoying many aspects of the female-led lifestyle, this post will explore the connection between sexual arousal and ceremony in Femdom and the female-led lifestyle.

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I have had the drawing above for many years, and have always found it to be particularly appealing, and arousing. I am not sure if there is a heterosexual man who would not get an erection just at the thought of this scenario- and even more so if he was the man having his pants removed for his impending punishment. But I have often wondered why it is that this man (or I) would get aroused.

It is not very likely that he will be having sex with any of these women, and very unlikely that they will allow him to have any kind of sexual climax- at least not in any ‘natural’ way. In fact, if anything, he is effectively sexually impotent. But still, he is embarrassingly engorged.

On the other hand, it is likely that if the women were extremely irate and the man had no time to contemplate his situation before receiving his punishment, it is much less likely he would be aroused.

My conclusion is that it is all about the ceremonial aspect of the situation. The calm but strict resolve of the women, the complete immobilization of the victim, the impending vulnerability of the soon-to-be-naked man and the embarrassing display of his genitals of misdirected sexual arousal, all allow the man to absorb his predicament (and perhaps for the women to reflect on their power over him).

In fact, I believe that ceremony is one of the most important aspects of and D/s relationship, but especially femdom.


Look at this picture. The man is naked, with his ass high up in the air (probably following the directions of one of the women who are about to punish him), his head straining to see what is in store for him. Notice also that his cock is erect.

However, once the paddling begins (note the red ass), see how quickly his erection subsides:


That is not to say that some men don’t maintain their erections even with extreme punishment:


It may be that these men have some degree of masochism, but it may also depend on the context of the punishment and the ceremony associated with it. Certainly, many men are aroused by being tested on their masculinity in the ability to remain stoic despite the extreme abuse by their (supposed) gentle woman.  This might be particularly true if the ceremony prior to the punishment revolves around proving the man’s virility- even in the face of his vulnerability and impotence.

But the role of ceremony in femdom is not confined solely to corporal punishments; it is, in fact, a key ingredient in a successful female-led relationship. From laying down the Domme’s rules and establishing a ‘safe word,’ to establishing traditions of how the sub worships and serves her, to ways the sub dresses (or undresses) for his/her Mistress, to even the non-sexual relationship (marriage, cuckold, slave, financial slave, etc), ceremony will always make the experience better and more effective. It allows the sub time to contemplate his/her Mistress’ directives and his/her own situation.

From the  Domme’s perspective, ceremony allows her time to enjoy the power and control she has over her sub.
The woman feels in control, in command in such situations. It can give quite a high to know that just about anything that is about to happen is happening because they simply wished for it to happen. That being said, the feeling of wielding such power can potentially be quite arousing for a woman as well. It’s not just about dominating and controlling another person however. It all gets counterbalanced by the trust which is displayed by the submissive or the slave. It is exactly this which ends up making me quite humbled and worthy. The fact that someone would grant me so much power over them with such loyalty is quite awe-inspiring, and not only that, it also gives one the feeling that they are worthy and deserving of it.
She goes on to say:
I personally enjoy having scenes where a submissive is tied down on a bed (or any lower surface) before me as I tower over them. I normally stand at a rather diminutive height, so instances like this visually drive home my superiority over them. I love pacing around them, occasionally commenting on their body, teasingly mentioning their bodily reactions or scolding them for some (serious) misbehavior. I have fun building up the anxiety they are bound to feel in their (helpless) position. I often divert from my plans as I play, so sometimes even -I- don’t know what I’ll do next. This only adds for more anxiety from those who know how I play. They don’t know if I’m thinking of a whip, or a paddle or some ice-cubes. And, before I know it, I sometimes drive my sub to the point where they just squirm around helplessly and can’t help but say to me that they can’t take it anymore.


It is safe to say that Mistress Sweet_and_Sour enjoys using different aspects of ceremony in her interactions with her subs; as, I would like to think, does the woman in the GIF below.

Taking charge for her pleasure

I came across a cartoon I had saved several years ago that I think summarizes all the erotic pleasures of a female led relationship (for both the leader and the led).

(I am not sure who drew it or posted it, so if it is copyrighted please let me know.)

BlackMailed&BlueBalled-01 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-02 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-03 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-04 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-05 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-06 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-07 BlackMailed&BlueBalled-08

Orgasm Denial Poll: More women use it; More men are interested

As of February 2, 2014, in the ongoing Femdom Lifestyle poll on orgasm denial, it seems that almost 60% of the women who responded have employed orgasm denial for their men while a bit more than 40% are interested in it. On the other hand, more men are interested in experiencing male chastity (54%) than have actually had the experience.
Women: maybe it’s time to take action?!
There is a good chance that if you are interested but haven’t broached the subject, maybe your man is too.

10 Femdom pictures for the New Year

Femdom Lifestyle wants to wish all its followers a very Happy New Year!

These 10 pictures represent the self-assured women of the Femdom Lifestyle who enjoy being in control of their men (and/or women). Each sits comfortably, as her (naked) devotee kneels at her feet.

Will it be a paddling, or will she allow her thrall to masturbate? Will it be a strap on dildo tonight? Only she knows what the future has in store tonight and next year…

Happy 2014!

Over 2,500 Views of the Femdom Lifestyle!

One Woman’s list of Femdom Principles

For a man like me, who craves to serve women and has been searching for guidance from a woman who enjoys the femdom lifestyle, it is pleasure to have arrived at this blog of an anonymous woman in a female-led marriage.

In her introduction, she so perfectly lists her Femdom principles, which seem so close to mine. She has inspired me to add pictures from my collection.

“My husband and I have been married for over 5 years. As we’ve gotten to know each other, our relationship has evolved and gone through several different phases. . Our relationship today is based on FemDom Principles:”

1. Submission to Female Authority


2. Obedience Training


3. Service to Mistress


4. Female Body Worship


5. Tease, Denial & Humiliation


6. Male Chastity & Orgasm Control


7. Corporal Discipline


8. Strap-On Training’


9. Feminization


10. CuckoldingCuckolding

Advice about the importance of pegging from a woman in a female led marriage:


Here is some advice from a woman in a Female-led marriage about training her man (the photos/clips are from my collection):

In a FemDom relationship… getting the strap-on is not an option.

Don’t let the challenges of the first few sessions deter you. He’ll resist and try to manipulate his way out of it. He’ll talk about how much it hurts and how uncomfortable if feels. He’ll scream like a little bitch the first few times. All of that’s very normal.

But just keep at it. Your goal is to make it a very normal part of his experience. Believe me, he’ll eventually get used to it.

After a while… 2-3 months of getting it pretty regularly… some pretty wonderful things will start to happen. His selfish, argumentative masculine edge will dissipate. He will become much more cooperative and attentive to your needs. His submissive side will come out and blossom. He will become much less concerned with his orgasms, and more focused on yours. His erogenous zone will slowly start to shift from the head of his penis to the opening to his asshole and his prostate gland.

More than 10,000 hits on Femdom Lifestyle

Femdom Lifestyle now has surpassed 10,000 hits in less than 3 months!

What a testament for all those women leaders, and the men and women who worship them! Thank you!

Favorites seem to be (in order):

CFNM- Clothed Females Nude Males

An Orgasm-Denial Manual for Women

From Boardroom to Bedroom

The Many Aspects of Sexual Female Domination

Sexual Humiliation:


Femdom male re-education

Femdom Corporal Punishment

CBT (Cock and Ball Torture)

Male Chastity

Male Chastity Devices:

Orgasm Denial

The woman of my dreams: Is this femdom or is it BDSM?
If you haven’t had the chance please participate in our reader poll.

Femdom From Boardroom to Bedroom

Female supremacy or female domination (A.K.A.  Femdom) is a lifestyle that can be divided into three areas: Social, Domestic and Sexual.

‘Social Femdom’ is what has sometimes been called ‘Matriarchy’. Currently there are no true matriarchal societies, but current Western societies are slowly accepting more women in leadership positions. This has not been easy, and strong women (like Hillary Clinton) are often considered ‘butch’ or ‘bitchy’.

Social Femdom also applies to leadership positions for women in the work force. The concept that a woman can be a man’s boss has been considered ‘unnatural’ in the past, but slowly is growing in many firms and work places. Although sex and sexuality officially (and legally) has no place in our social institutions, it is naive to believe that sexual tensions (or outright sex) do not exist in politics or the boardroom. This might be true whether the boss is a man and the sub is a woman or the boss is a woman and the sub a man, but in our society it is safe to say that the latter is regarded as a more ‘unnatural’ relationship- and one that often causes the male to feel a level of humiliation among his peers.

‘Domestic Femdom’ is where the woman is dominant in the non-sexual aspect of a personal relationship, or marriage. In fact, I suspect that many marriages evolve to this type of relationship over time- and is becoming more acceptable. In the past, men were called hen-pecked or milquetoasts if they allowed the woman to take the lead in the household and domestic life. This again is likely driven by sexual tensions, but is changing- maybe to a more ‘natural’ state of female domination…

Finally, ‘Sexual Femdom’ is the concept that sexual gratification is the right of women over men. This is a reversal from the traditional concept that a woman was meant to satisfy her man- usually in the role of a submissive and willing receptacle… In my experience, most women- even if they are domestic and social dominants- feel uncomfortable in a sexually dominant role. In this respect, the bedroom is the final frontier of Femdom- and I hope that this blog will help women feel more comfortable exploring  and considering how to adopt this into their lives (they may also discover that most men are already more than willing); and that it will help men feel reassured that their often repressed submissive desires toward women is natural.

For me, the picture above demonstrates the sexual nature of all forms of femdom- as a female boss is most likely instructing her male underling to kiss her shoes- a clear demonstration of submission and humiliation. And although there is no fetish clothing, no cane or whip, no strap-on dildo, the message is clear and the sexual tension is extremely strong.

It is this sexual tension that permeates through every aspect of femdom and the female led relationship. If you are interested in some of the many sexual aspects of femdom, follow this link.