Femdom ceremony and sexual arousal

At the suggestion of a reader (Mistress Sweet_and_Sour) who happens to be a woman practicing and enjoying many aspects of the female-led lifestyle, this post will explore the connection between sexual arousal and ceremony in Femdom and the female-led lifestyle.

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I have had the drawing above for many years, and have always found it to be particularly appealing, and arousing. I am not sure if there is a heterosexual man who would not get an erection just at the thought of this scenario- and even more so if he was the man having his pants removed for his impending punishment. But I have often wondered why it is that this man (or I) would get aroused.

It is not very likely that he will be having sex with any of these women, and very unlikely that they will allow him to have any kind of sexual climax- at least not in any ‘natural’ way. In fact, if anything, he is effectively sexually impotent. But still, he is embarrassingly engorged.

On the other hand, it is likely that if the women were extremely irate and the man had no time to contemplate his situation before receiving his punishment, it is much less likely he would be aroused.

My conclusion is that it is all about the ceremonial aspect of the situation. The calm but strict resolve of the women, the complete immobilization of the victim, the impending vulnerability of the soon-to-be-naked man and the embarrassing display of his genitals of misdirected sexual arousal, all allow the man to absorb his predicament (and perhaps for the women to reflect on their power over him).

In fact, I believe that ceremony is one of the most important aspects of and D/s relationship, but especially femdom.


Look at this picture. The man is naked, with his ass high up in the air (probably following the directions of one of the women who are about to punish him), his head straining to see what is in store for him. Notice also that his cock is erect.

However, once the paddling begins (note the red ass), see how quickly his erection subsides:


That is not to say that some men don’t maintain their erections even with extreme punishment:


It may be that these men have some degree of masochism, but it may also depend on the context of the punishment and the ceremony associated with it. Certainly, many men are aroused by being tested on their masculinity in the ability to remain stoic despite the extreme abuse by their (supposed) gentle woman.  This might be particularly true if the ceremony prior to the punishment revolves around proving the man’s virility- even in the face of his vulnerability and impotence.

But the role of ceremony in femdom is not confined solely to corporal punishments; it is, in fact, a key ingredient in a successful female-led relationship. From laying down the Domme’s rules and establishing a ‘safe word,’ to establishing traditions of how the sub worships and serves her, to ways the sub dresses (or undresses) for his/her Mistress, to even the non-sexual relationship (marriage, cuckold, slave, financial slave, etc), ceremony will always make the experience better and more effective. It allows the sub time to contemplate his/her Mistress’ directives and his/her own situation.

From the  Domme’s perspective, ceremony allows her time to enjoy the power and control she has over her sub.
The woman feels in control, in command in such situations. It can give quite a high to know that just about anything that is about to happen is happening because they simply wished for it to happen. That being said, the feeling of wielding such power can potentially be quite arousing for a woman as well. It’s not just about dominating and controlling another person however. It all gets counterbalanced by the trust which is displayed by the submissive or the slave. It is exactly this which ends up making me quite humbled and worthy. The fact that someone would grant me so much power over them with such loyalty is quite awe-inspiring, and not only that, it also gives one the feeling that they are worthy and deserving of it.
She goes on to say:
I personally enjoy having scenes where a submissive is tied down on a bed (or any lower surface) before me as I tower over them. I normally stand at a rather diminutive height, so instances like this visually drive home my superiority over them. I love pacing around them, occasionally commenting on their body, teasingly mentioning their bodily reactions or scolding them for some (serious) misbehavior. I have fun building up the anxiety they are bound to feel in their (helpless) position. I often divert from my plans as I play, so sometimes even -I- don’t know what I’ll do next. This only adds for more anxiety from those who know how I play. They don’t know if I’m thinking of a whip, or a paddle or some ice-cubes. And, before I know it, I sometimes drive my sub to the point where they just squirm around helplessly and can’t help but say to me that they can’t take it anymore.


It is safe to say that Mistress Sweet_and_Sour enjoys using different aspects of ceremony in her interactions with her subs; as, I would like to think, does the woman in the GIF below.

Taking charge for her pleasure

I came across a cartoon I had saved several years ago that I think summarizes all the erotic pleasures of a female led relationship (for both the leader and the led).

(I am not sure who drew it or posted it, so if it is copyrighted please let me know.)

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Orgasm Denial Poll: More women use it; More men are interested

As of February 2, 2014, in the ongoing Femdom Lifestyle poll on orgasm denial, it seems that almost 60% of the women who responded have employed orgasm denial for their men while a bit more than 40% are interested in it. On the other hand, more men are interested in experiencing male chastity (54%) than have actually had the experience.
Women: maybe it’s time to take action?!
There is a good chance that if you are interested but haven’t broached the subject, maybe your man is too.

10 Femdom pictures for the New Year

Femdom Lifestyle wants to wish all its followers a very Happy New Year!

These 10 pictures represent the self-assured women of the Femdom Lifestyle who enjoy being in control of their men (and/or women). Each sits comfortably, as her (naked) devotee kneels at her feet.

Will it be a paddling, or will she allow her thrall to masturbate? Will it be a strap on dildo tonight? Only she knows what the future has in store tonight and next year…

Happy 2014!

Over 2,500 Views of the Femdom Lifestyle!

One Woman’s list of Femdom Principles

For a man like me, who craves to serve women and has been searching for guidance from a woman who enjoys the femdom lifestyle, it is pleasure to have arrived at this blog of an anonymous woman in a female-led marriage.

In her introduction, she so perfectly lists her Femdom principles, which seem so close to mine. She has inspired me to add pictures from my collection.

“My husband and I have been married for over 5 years. As we’ve gotten to know each other, our relationship has evolved and gone through several different phases. . Our relationship today is based on FemDom Principles:”

1. Submission to Female Authority


2. Obedience Training


3. Service to Mistress


4. Female Body Worship


5. Tease, Denial & Humiliation


6. Male Chastity & Orgasm Control


7. Corporal Discipline


8. Strap-On Training’


9. Feminization


10. CuckoldingCuckolding